In this article you’ll learn:
Why change is important
Methods for “embracing change“
How do you know it’s time for “the big change”
How can coaching help you go through change
We live in a volatile world. So much is out of our control. Recent years showed that no career is stable, no job is safe. But is it all really that bad? Actually, I believe it’s not! There are always things that are in our control and some good things that are happening too. You just need to notice them!
Why is change important?
Many jobs that exist today won’t exist in a couple of years’ time, or will evolve significantly. Learning new skills is essential to stay relevant in the job market and to the employers. Being flexible in how you approach things – relationships, your work, communication styles, mindset – can help you be less negatively affected and more resilient, even if the change significantly impacts your lifestyle or ways of working.
A lot of good can come from change:
- New connections and friendships, eg. in a new job that you wouldn’t have otherwise built – you never know where a new job and new relations can take you and it’s worth trying as it may take you places you really want to go to but didn’t have the courage and network for so far.
- New experiences, eg. when you travel or attend a new conference, that help you grow as a person, be a better leader, get inspired by new ideas
- Staying relevant on the job market, eg. if you learn new skills, like chat GPT as a very recent example, you get to do your job more effectively and stay up to date with any tools that will be implemented in the companies in a short space of time
- Resilience – the more change you experience, the more comfortable you get with it. If you manage through uncertainty, even smallest one, regularly and when things are going well (eg. taking a different route to work or trying a new dish), it’s easier to bounce back from draining experiences when “shit hits the fan”
Right. But HOW can I ‘embrace the change’ then?!
In short – embracing change is essentially about accepting that you can’t have everything under control and that there is good that comes from change.
Let’s talk details!
#1 Work on re-framing what change means for you
This one will be important especially if your first associations with ‘change’ are around it being scary, tiring, draining, or you losing control. Which of the below statements is closest to what your mind defaults to if you hear “We are changing our performance reviews process”?
Is it more on the side of negative thoughts: “Oh gosh, not again! Learning new processes all over again… and they’ll probably take away the bonuses too…” (Scared mind)
Or maybe: “Okay, I wonder that will be about, maybe they’ll finally give more clarity on X. Curious to see!” (Excited mind)
Depends on the context, sure, but even in an objectively stressful situation of potential layoff announcements your mind can go to “Omg what am I gonna do, this is horrible!” (Powerless mode) or “Oh gosh, that’s horrible, I better start preparing my CV and start networking!” (Powerful mode). It’s not always a choice in terms of the default first thoughts, but it’s in your control when you notice them to also let yourself see the other potential side of the coin.
Identifying, understanding and reframing Automatic Negative Thoughts is not a particularly quick one, especially if certain thought patterns and beliefs have been forming in the same way for years. But it’s not impossible to change these! 😉
(Psst! You can hire a coach to help you get more comfortable with that!)
#2 Appreciate the change you’ve already been through in your life
I know, I know, this change is different and you haven’t been through a change like THAT before – but hey, wasn’t there the first time for everything?
First day in the kindergarden, first day at school, a brother or sister being born, first summer camp alone, first time staying home alone, or – let’s fast forward – first relationship, first break-up, going off to university, moving homes or moving countries.
You have already been through a lot of change! Find some examples that are relevant for the current change you’re going through and identify learnings that you can translate from one situation to the other. What was difficult for you back then? How did you cope? What would you do differently? What helped you then? Are there any of the learnings that you can implement in the current transition you’re going through?
#3 Increase your self-awareness
I talk about that a lot as a great factor in personal and interpersonal development of any kind! Knowing your triggers around what makes you feel scared around change, what’s stopping you from immersing yourself in it, what are the obstacles on your way to achieving peace with the new situation – all those can help you figure out where your responses are coming from and understand yourself better. In turn, this will give you the space necessary to make any changes either in your thoughts or behaviours which are linked to certain feelings and needs.
You can do this in many ways, a coach can help you with identifying the right tools, and gain that awareness through a focused conversation in one of your sessions. You could take a Strengths assessment too, or a personality assessment as a starting point for a discussion. But most importantly, ask yourself some useful questions and check in on those every now and then to see if the replies still stand true. Here are a few to get you started – take a piece of paper, set aside some quiet time, a good hour or so, and write down your answers to the below questions:
1. What are 3 qualities you like and appreciate in yourself + why?
2. What did you do recently that you’re proud of?
3. When did you last feel confident within yourself? What was the situation?
4. What do you do for yourself, to love and appreciate yourself more?
5. What do you consider to be your biggest achievements to-date?
6. How does comparing yourself to others impact you?
7. What motivates you to take action the most?
8. What would you do if you weren’t afraid of failing?
9. How does critical comments/feedback affect you? How do you react to these typically?
10. Which areas of your life do you feel the most competent in?
11. What adjectives would you use to describe yourself?
12. How do you imagine “an ideal life” looks like?
13. When was the last time you stepped out of your comfort zone (eg. to try a new activity, new food, new behaviour), and how did that feel?
14. How would you define ‘success’, and what do you do currently to achieve it?
15. What are your strengths and how can you use them to achieve your goals?
#4 Flip the coin!
If change scares you or if you’re uncertain about many things, try this ‘flipping the coin’ technique to change your perspective and test your fears. For example:
“X is scary about this change, and at the same time Y could be a great opportunity”;
“I’m afraid of X in this change, but I could get excited about Y”;
“I can’t control X, but I can decide and make choices on Y”.
This puts you back in the driver’s seat and helps you see not only your default way of thinking, but also a different perspective. It won’t work in every context, but helps you keep the balance, and continue building the resilience that is so needed in the times of stress.
How will I know it’s time for a big change?
Sometimes change is not imposed on you. Rather, an idea that you could change something – a habit, a relationship, job, where we live… – may come to your mind at one point and be difficult to brush off. If you have been battling something like this in your mind – you’re definitely not alone in the limbo.
You may know that I recently repatriated to Poland after 9 years of living in the UK. It’s a massive life change on endless amounts of fronts. Getting to that decision took us (I’m saying us, as it’s me and my partner who made the decision together)… well, I’d say a good 2-3 years of thinking about it “for real” and discussing pros and cons and what-ifs. Long story short, we ended up deciding that given various personal circumstances now is a good time to try to come back and see “what if”. If it doesn’t work out, at least we won’t be wondering “what if we came back to Poland” – we will know 😉
So the big question here is – how do you know it’s time for the big change?
I have a few things I like to establish to help with my decisions, especially if they involve big leaps of faith. I’ve done it a couple of times so far when deciding to move countries and change jobs, and I was happy with my decisions – hope this approach will support you in yours!
My needs
First, I ask myself: what made me think about a change in this area? What needs are unmet for me now?
In my example of deciding whether to move back to Poland, what triggered that thought was the unmet need of being closer to family and closest friends. I was tired of having to plan every visit months in advance, or missing important celebrations. I felt detached from the new born children of my closest friends (yep, I’m at that age where there are lots of new little humans coming to this world in my circles!) and I didn’t want to be a stranger to them.
How can I meet those needs?
The change idea (in my case, moving back to Poland) can often be the one that we think is the best choice. It may well be. But I like to check that assumption before jumping to conclusions.
I like to ask myself – how can I meet this need? Is there any other way (apart from the big life change that came to my mind first)? What else? What else?
No stupid ideas at this stage, just open your mind to the possibilities.
What will I give up to gain?
For roughly each idea – or each that’s still “on the table” – I also acknowledge what would I be losing if I go ahead with that route. Let’s be real – most of our big decisions mean that we gain something, but also that we need to give something up.
And then it’s almost the reverse exercise for those things I may lose in the various scenarios, but I really really don’t want to. If I need to give something up, or something else significantly changes – is there another way I can meet the need for this? What can I do to minimise the feeling of loss?
Usually, by that stage I tame some of my fears related to the change I’m considering, and feel bigger clarity around what to do next. I hope this will bring you closer to your decision as well!
Can coaching help go through a change?
Absolutely. It won’t be relevant for everyone, but it will be for many people. In coaching, we go deeper on each of the above techniques, we explore and learn and observe your way of thinking and reacting to deepen your understanding of yourself and put you back in the driver’s seat of your life. You gain an accountability partner and a non-judgmental and supportive person that you can share your worries with, and who can help you move through the transition you are in. And that’s for many different types of life transitions too! Could be searching for a new job, finding a new career path, moving countries, starting in a manager role…
Some changes are out of your control, of course, but a lot of how you react to that external change is down to you and your self-leadership skills. And those can be learned.
Is this process quick? Usually not.
Could it be worth exploring what change means to you if you find it difficult? Yes.
Do you need to figure this out on your own? You can, but you don’t have to.
If you want to explore working with me as your coach, to help fuel your international career – check out this page for details of my offer and this one for how I work. When you’re ready – schedule that introductory call with me and let’s get started!
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